Create in me a Clean Heart

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Mother’s Day 2008 May 9, 2008

Filed under: motherhood — acleanheart @ 3:47 pm

I have been thinking about Mother’s Day today and what it means to me and I decided to share a bit here about what God is speaking to my heart.

For 5 years Kevin and I tried unsuccessfully to have a baby.  For the first couple of years I went to church on Mother’s Day and watched as each mother was handed a flower and thanked for all she does.  I would go home with a hollow feeling in my heart because it hurt so badly.  I would cry for hours.  For the last 3 years of the waiting time, I skipped church on Mother’s Day.  I would go to my mom’s and celebrate her.  Each year she would give me a special mother’s day gift and say “Someday you will be a mother, this is for then.”

Then we adopted Samuel, the pain of infertility was numbed by the joy of having my little boy.  I got to celebrate my first Mother’s Day as a mother.  I bought flowers for the church to pass out to all women, not just the mother’s but all women.  I didn’t want any woman to suffer the heartbreak that I did.  I told them “Someday you will be a mother, this is for then.”

I lost my Mother in August of 2006.  My heart was again broken (sometimes still feels that way).  Last year I celebrated my first Mother’s Day without my mom.  My mother-in-law sent me a card which she signed “With Love from Your Mother in Heaven and Carol Jane, your Mother-in-Law”  That really touched me deeply.  I remembered all the Mother’s Day gifts that my mother had given me in the past and I could almost hear her saying “someday I won’t be here with you, this is for then”

This past February, I watched as Matthew’s Birthmom saw him for the very first time, she said hello and she said goodbye all in the short hour that she was with us.  I saw the love in her eyes.  I watched as she undressed him and looked him over and kissed each finger and toe, then lovingly redressed him and kissed his sweet head.  I imagined she was saying “Someday you will wonder if your birthmother loved you, this is for then”
This weekend as you celebrate Mother’s day, keep in mind that someone you love longs to have a baby but can’t, someone you love has lost their mother and is broken hearted without her and someone you love has brought a baby into this world and given the greatest gift to bring joy to another mother.  Remember them.  Thank them.  Love them.  Give them a gift or card.  But do not overlook them.

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6 Responses to “Mother’s Day 2008”

  1. Cheri Says:

    This was beautiful, Cathy!

  2. Windy Says:

    Ok… ummmm…. thanks for making me freaking bawl Cathy! Your mother in law sounds like a great lady. This blog seriously touched my heart. I am so thankful for each day with both my children, and my mother. Thanks for the reminder. Love you! Happy Mother’s Day!

  3. Katie Says:

    Thank you! ILU!

  4. Anne52 Says:

    Cathy, this post is simply beautiful – heartbreaking and heartwarming, all at the same time! (Nattie’s Aunt Anne, a woefully infrequent participant at w@h)

  5. Cynthia Says:

    …I know told you I am not a blog reader and I’m not but just saw that you had one and man girl, this one made me cry…I LOVE this, love. it.

    …this is for then. simple. deep. profound. Thanks for sharing that…my new, out of the virtual realm, IRL friend. (((hugs)))


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