Create in me a Clean Heart

Just another weblog

Purging and Mourning August 12, 2008

Filed under: decluttering,Mourning — acleanheart @ 6:23 pm
Tags: ,

I am working on getting our house purged of things we don’t need or use. There are many. Kevin and I both tend to be hoarders. While it’s not so bad now, I don’t want to live like that. SO I am cleaning out now.

Right now I am working on my scrapbook materials. You know, the ones I rarely use since I went digital. I am trying to part with the majority of them and only keep the essential stuff. Problem is, I have this addiction to background papers. Which means I have LOTS of them. Not too sure I can part with them. Not sure why. Silly, huh? I have many many things that I have decided to EBAY. Most of them still in the package never used. Yeah, I went through a period of time after my mom died that I thought the key to feeling better was going to be found in accumulating stuff.

Speaking of my mom dying, on Friday it will be 2 years since her death. Some days it seems like yesterday. Not a single day has gone by in those 2 years when I haven’t thought about her. When I haven’t vividly recalled finding her lying there, her heart having given up and her life cut short at only 53. I am not depressed, I am sad and I am mourning…still. I miss her. Terribly. Some days I want to pick up the phone and call her and I can’t. She never met Matthew. Sammy knew her until he was 10 months old. Now he knows her as a photograph and as a name on a grave at the cemetery, where he likes to run in the open field. She would like that. Seeing him run and dance and be happy. I find comfort in the fact that she is with Jesus in Heaven, no more pain or sorrow for her. Jesus has carried me through the tough times and I cannot imagine losing someone without Him to carry me.

I miss you Mom and I love you…


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